That Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the TV Letdowns of the Year.
As we reflect on the television landscape of the recent year, a selection of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with dreadful scripts, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final series started, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the last series. It concluded on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, viewers undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was practically the least of this show's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to start listing the flaws. The hilariously leaden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful parade of cliches? Acting so poor they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive egotist.
The Iris Affair
Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which felt a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint homemaking as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
Victoria Beckham
There are clearly fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like reading a marketing catalogue. She clearly has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How do you follow a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.
The Sketch Show Return
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly jaunty, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies targeting – and killing off – intellectuals honestly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for sexual escapades as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and zero interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
